Leaving my comfort zone… one mile at a time.
Leaving my comfort zone ... one mile at a time.
Last week kicked off with a 4.4 pound gain and some self-talk/motivation.
I actually did wear one of my Momentum Jewelry bracelets each day as a visual reminder of my goals for the week and it paid off. Seeing it on my arm kept me connected to Weight Watchers and what I wanted to accomplish.
Read MoreI thought about hiding away from the scale. I feel like a broken record, but I have been struggling recently to find my mojo. I would really like to know where it is hiding. Have you seen it?
Clearly I have the activity part in check...
... but the food portion has been tough. Why? Because I have been a lazy emotional wreck when making choices. There is no one to blame but myself. I am the one bringing chips in the house under the guise that I can "have on serving." Well one serving is turning into 3 servings. But I say to myself "you are weighing and measuring it so that's okay." Ummmm no self. Just no.
So it is time to kick my own booty back into gear. Today is a fresh start.
Read MoreWhy Weight Watchers?
Plain and Simple.
Okay okay there is more to it than that.
To me: Weight Watchers is MORE than a weight loss program ... far more.
What do I mean by this?
I have battled with weight problems my whole life - especially the mental issues that come along with it:
* Low self-esteem
* Binge eating
* Closet eating
* Emotional Eating
* Eating Disorders: Anorexia and Bulimia
* Depression
For years, I just wanted to be skinny and didn't care what it took to get there. I never thought the self-loathing and self-mutilation would ever end. I yearned for a place where I wouldn't feel like an outsider where people would understand what I was going through...
And then I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting on November 2, 2009.
Halloween 2009 - the picture that drove me into Weight Watchers open arms
The above picture was taken on a Saturday Night - Halloween 2009, showed up on Facebook on Sunday and I walked into my first Weight Watchers meeting on the Monday.
I clearly had tried losing weight on my own before. Heck I even attempted WW on my own in college with success, but it didn't stick.
What made the difference? Attending a meeting.
But why? How could 30 minutes with complete strangers alter my success with weight loss and beyond.
Well here's why:
This was the first place where I openly admitted to eating an entire box of Cheez-Its in about 20 minutes. And you know what? People understood. No one pointed or snickered at me. Instead people nodded and shared how they had their own "Cheez-Its" incidents.
Wow! I knew this would be a place where I would feel comfortable sharing my successes, but more importantly my slip-ups without a judgy eye asking why they heck I didn't just stop at one serving.
Ummm hi person - 1) a serving of Cheez-Its should really just be the entire box and 2) Once the box is open the Cheez-Its will go bad if I don't eat them all at once.
Duh!
Phew... moving on.
I loved being in a room full of complete strangers yet feeling like I was with family.
I even made friends with two women - Casey and Naomi - who I would sit with every week. We would share our journeys, celebrate the ups and discuss the downs.
I can remember Casey and I each had our first gains on the same night. We had been doing WW maybe a month or so and we both went up. I was pouting in the back of the room with tears in my eyes and Casey was next to be bawling as well. C'mon, it can happen your first gain when you think you are going to lose every week. ;) But we both stuck through the meeting, let out the feelings and moved on. That one gain wouldn't keep us down and we had each other to lean on.
Hearing others share their stories, struggles and celebrations kept me moving each week. I always tell my WW members:
And it is true!
Not everyone in our every day life is going to understand our healthy lifestyle journey, but the folks in that room do. You have an instant cheerleading section.
I was blessed with two amazing leaders in Chicago (both named Lisa).
Lisa, a WW member, Lisa & I at the Jennifer Hudson WW Center Opening in Chicago
These two women were great inspirations to me as well as wealths of knowledge. They would lend an ear when no one else would. They understood that it wasn't always about the cupcake, but the feelings behind the cupcake. As a leader you have been through the program before and you know that the game of weight loss is MORE than what you put in your mouth.
Having someone so accessible through email, Facebook, etc made me want to be that same kind of WW Leader, which is why I am so available to my members. I know that occasionally the only person we can truly turn to is a third party that gets it.
I get so excited when members tell me they leave the meeting room feeling motivated every week. It pumps me up and makes me want to have an awesome week myself.
I am a WW Leader to pay it forward. I want to share how important WW meetings are to me with them.
To this day I leave a Weight Watchers meeting learning something new whether it be a product or an idea on how to handle emotional eating.
It was in a WW meeting room that I learned you can handle emotions without turning to french fries. YES I know. It was mind blowing. I thought food was the only thing to turn to, but it isn't. Through other WW members, I started an arsenal of ideas when the emotional eating started rearing it's ugly head: go for a walk, journal, talk to a friend, count to 10, if you are going to snack choose healthy options, etc.
Yes these sound like common answers, but I needed those ideas from others because I was sooo lost in my own problem. I needed options because let's face it when emotional going for a walk isn't always going to save the problem. Am I right?
So through the WW meetings I was able to stop learn to curb my emotional eating. But the biggest thing was recognizing the triggers. Before I would never stop to ask if it was real hunger or not, I would just dive in. Now I ask:
How am I feeling right now?
Then I can check to see if it is hunger or something deeper.
I have to 100% be honest with myself. This took me a long time to realize. Whether it be with my tracker, my head, my heart or my emotions. Lying to myself and saying everything is okay when it isn't - won't fix anything.
Thanks to WW, I have stopped lying to myself. I have learned that it's okay NOT to be okay. If I want to continue to have a balanced, healthy lifestyle, I need to continue to work on the mental side of weight loss as much as the physical - if not more.
Hitting goal didn't mean all the negative self-talk would magically go away. Far from it. I continue to work on nixing the negative with the help of WW and my meeting.
I can also say that I can count on one hand the number of relapses I have had with my bulimia since starting WW and for that I am eternally grateful to the program.
I never thought I would get such joy out of a tiny green star sticker that says BRAVO on it... but I do.
Like my BRAVO necklace?
Clapping for successes and bling to commemorate milestones. It all plays into my long-term success. Looking at them reminds me of how far I have come.
***
The love felt in a meeting room when a group is connecting, supporting and motivating each other is unparalleled. THAT is the feeling I bottle up after each meeting and keep in my back pocket for truly tough times. THAT is what has made a difference this time around and has helped me to push through the forest of maintenance.
Because there is always a Welcome Sign on one of those lime green chairs in a WW meeting letting me know I'm home!
I'm grumpy! I yelled at the scale this morning. I called it some names that I am not proud of, but I did it.
Why?
Because of that stupid unexpected gain. You ever have one of those?
You do every. single. thing. right and how does the scale repay you????? By going in the wrong direction.
It's just rude. Plain and simple.
So I had my hissy fit (it was good one too). I got the emotions out and then I talked to myself like I would talk to one of MY Weight Watchers members.
^ The scale does NOT dictate my worth.
^ My BODY just happened to forget that it is supposed to weigh the lightest for the week at 6:25am on Friday! *How rude!*
^ A gain does not take away all of the good work I did the past week.
^ Unexpected gain does not give me liberty to say SCREW THE UPCOMING WEEK, but to buckle down and keep at it.
^ Focus on the positives from the past week...
So what are those positives?
** I tried my first Barry's Bootcamp class on Tuesday ... and lived to tell the tale about Butts & Legs!
** For the first time in weeks, I came out of the weekend WITHOUT being in the negative!! I was right at zero. :P
** I did my first 3-hour training bike ride - outside - by myself!
** I am listening to my body and taking a couple of much-needed rest days to try and fix these tight quads.
** I feel in control, lean and overall awesome! Clothes are loose again and I feel stronger in my workouts (pre-injury).
And the best of all...
** I am happy again! Through and through I am overall feeling more positive about life, which is a great bonus.
So if you ever have one of those weeks where the scale forgets to repay you for your hard work just remember: Your Check Is In The Mail!
The scale will catch up to your awesomeness.
But if for some reason it doesn't then simply remember:
***
Before I get back to icing my quads, I would LOOOOVVEEE your daily vote in the following two Got Chocolate Milk contests… each ends on August 15!
^I am currently in fourth place (by a lot I know), but the top three vote getters secure the prizes. 1st prize is valued just over $5k, 2nd prize just under $1,900 and 3rd prize around $775. Holy cow they are sweet.
and
^The prize? $500 in sponsorship money, which I will use to fund my first Ragnar Relay experience, new training gear and free race entries. Each time you vote $1 is donated to the Challenged Athletes Foundation. How awesome is that?
Thank you all so much!!!
***
How do you get past an unexpected gain?
On this episode of Dani Dishes, back in action, being motivated by my Weight Watches members, feeling good, but the self-doubt is still there as I start Half Ironman Training! Here's how I am dealing with it... Product of the Week: Flapjacked
**Use code WEIGHTOFFMYSHOULDERS for a 20% discount on your order through 5/31/14!
On this episode of Dani Dishes, post-race blues - they are a real thing - and it's okay to take a week off to clear the mind & body! Also registration is open for the Strides Against Stroke virtual 5k HERE...
On this episode of Dani Dishes, it's time to talk about my trip to Nashville and those 2 marathons in 5 days!! Also registration is open for the Strides Against Stroke virtual 5k: Click here!
On this episode of Dani Dishes, I'm reminding you of my blog survey, announcing the Boston Marathon weekend meet up (4/19, 11-1, Back Bay Social - 867 Boylston St) and remind everyone about the ebbs/flows of our journey!
On this episode of Dani Dishes, it's time for an update from my "I'm struggling" post link below ... it's been one week and time to check in!! Blog (3/26)
Instead of the Easy Button, I need a Mental Switch.
A mental switch for what you may ask?
Here's the situation that made me want to create such a device.
***
I was looking at recent race photos and just feeling blah. Yes I know race photos aren't always the most flattering photos and it doesn't help that it was about 7 degrees the day of the race so I was layered up enough to look like the marshmallow man.
But, I digress...
I was just feeling uninspired looking at the photos. Of course my first thoughts were: your thighs look huge, how many chins can one person have, etc. Now I know to immediately counter those with a positive. Which I was, hell yeah you rocked that 20-mile run, you were out there in 7 degree weather, you posted a sub 9 min/mile pace the entire time, etc. Oh and had fun!
But, I still couldn't shake the initial thoughts.
I am always my own worst critic - as many folks are. I try the self-love. I am working on it - truly.
So I was having these thoughts and texting with a friend - a fellow Weight Watchers Lifetime member/runner/triathlete - and I was lamenting the thoughts I was having.
Her response:
"Right there with you the negative thoughts but a little bit of something for you. I was looking at some of your recent pictures lately and I wished to myself that I was as skinny as you."
Wow!
Reading those words: 1) shocked me because this friend is one of my Rock Star idols and 2) that she would see me in that light.
It made me ask:
WHY can't I have a mental switch that allows my brain to see a picture of me or situation I am in and only let me see it through a friend's eyes?
Now, I know it is a mental exercise I am working on, but in the meantime I would really like to just have a switch where it happens instantaneously.
Can anyone relate?
PS. Copyright this idea Dani Holmes-Kirk 2014. <<Just need to cover my bases>> ;)
My name is Dani and I am blogging out of the Boston Area. I started this blog in May of 2011 after suffering a back injury and subsequent back surgery in December 2011-January 2011. This space was to serve as a way for me to release the inner feelings I was carrying around and maybe help some other people going through similar situations: eating disorders, depression, weight loss and more.
