Doing Things Scared

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Meeting new people… trying new activities… putting myself out there … all things that can send my brain into an anxiety induced spiral. I like to play out every horrible way the situation can go. It infiltrates my dreams and knocks down any bit of confidence I had about the situation by the time it is set to happen.

But somehow I keep showing up to those events… I keep putting my name out there to lead groups/events… I do register for the workout class or language class where I know no one.

In therapy so far I have downplayed the fact that even though I am scared and full of self-doubt, I do keep trying and going and doing. Something that I need to be proud of and not immediately negating.

Yes I signed up for the class but…. I don’t really belong there and they will find out I am a fraud pretty quickly!

Side Note: I also want to call out that I’ve heard this phrase often from watching Elyse Myers on Instagram and listening to her podcast so I don’t want anyone to think I am “stealing” or “lifting” something she has discussed. This is also a common topic that I think many go through and something that drew me to her material.

This came to mind in a BIG way twice this week while I did 2 major things that have scared me to the core (hi anxiety), but I put myself out there anyway.

1) Finally taking my first inburgering examen - Friday (25 August)! Okay I needed to go back and strikethrough the finally because I am doing them when I feel ready and saying finally is me putting invalid pressure that I should do something in a certain time (and that is a thinking error).

While I still don’t know how the exam went, I am proud of myself for doing it.

You know what?

They didn’t kick me out… they didn’t think I was a fraud… they allowed me in and it was on me to do the rest.

2) I built up the courage to try my hand as Run Director of our local Parkrun at the AmsterdamseBos.

With the HUGE support from my friend Laura (and my Parkrun guru) I felt comfortable going into to yesterday’s (26 August) event - especially knowing she was there as well in case some apocalyptic type event happened. Also when your friends roll up and your family (wife and pup) - you know that they will have your back if you stumble.

But again, I drew on the love and support of my system, dug deep and did the thing scared - and the event went on without any major issues, no one called for me to get out of the Blue vest. ;) I’m even planning on doing it again!

The moral of this week - in particular - for me is that even if I feel scared - I am strong enough to TRY!

Because every time I have tried has led me to some absolutely amazing adventures:

  • Joining my sorority in 2001

  • Doing a summer abroad in Galway, Ireland in 2003

  • Moving to San Francisco in 2007 for a job as an intern at the age of 24

  • Relocating to Chicago in 2008

  • Starting this blog in 2011

  • Becoming a Weight Watchers leader in 2012

  • Leading our Slumbrew Happy Soles (brewery running club) in 2012

  • Taking a leap and moving to Amsterdam in 2018

  • Showing up to NP in 2018

  • Stepping in as co-leader of November Project Amsterdam in 2021

I’ve regretted NONE of those experiences and looking back I am DAMN PROUD of what I ahve accomplished!

Have you done something scared? Has your fear of the outcome stopped you from doing something?