Under Pressure...
/...from who? Society? Nope.
Family? Nope.
Work? Nope.
Friends? Nope.
General Population? Nope.
The Dogs? Nope.
Myself? *DING*
---
I know that we are always toughest on ourselves, but sometimes I take it to a whole new level ... okay a LOT of the time I take it to a whole new level.
Since deciding to switch careers and move the family cross-country, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed ... and quickly.
I mean - the whole moving thing was all my idea.
If I didn't get my boo-tay in gear and start excelling then the whole trip was a bust ... the whole uprooting my family was my fault.
---
So while I have been finding the move back to Boston - A-freakin-mazing, I feel like I haven't been on my "A" game. My fitness suffered slightly, my eating habits hit some speed bumps and while work was going well, I wasn't living up to the expectations I had set in my head.
The self-imposed pressure that had been sitting in my mind and heart hit the forefront over the past couple days ... where little things that happened, turned into big frustrations, which turned into me taking out the emotions on my poor steering wheel (and thus on my hands).
Finally, I cracked.
And this morning, while sitting with the dogs on the bed and being all ready for work ... out came the tears. I'm not talking a cute little tear. I'm talking full on waterworks - a full on Farrah-from Teen Mom - ugly cry. (Especially since I had already done all my makeup for work so there went the mascara)
But, you know what.
I let the tears fall and while they did out came the pain - out came the frustration - out came the pressure.
And I honestly felt amazing after I let it all out.
I released it.
The stress headache magically went out.
---
Following the waterworks, I chatted with my wife on gchat while she was at work and she brought me back to reality. If I stumbled and bumbled while getting used to our new life in Boston, the entire move was not for nothing. We did NOT move here for my career. Heck, I didn't have a job when we decided to move. We moved back to the East Coast for me to be closer to family and friends that I missed so much. And for a new adventure together - for our little family.
Perspective.
I don't have to be perfect all the time ... yes I know I am FAR from it ... but sometimes the little voice in my heads keeps pushing:
Be Better.
Be Stronger.
Be Faster.
Be Thinner.
Be Perfect.
But, that is not how I am designed.
I. Am. Human.
And sometimes I just need a little mental freak out to remember that.
---
Sharing my journey and life through this blog has helped me so much, but other times - like now - when I just want to curl up in to a ball on my bed ... I feel like sharing my world is a curse.
Showing the world that I am vulernable is hard and scary, but through this whole experience I've learned that it is better to let it out rather than hold it in (see: ugly cry from this morning).
I share what I go through in hopes that it will help someone else going through a similar situation know that they are not alone.
And while it sometimes pains me to bare my soul to the world, I know that it is necessary for me to survive ... and thrive!
---
While magically everything can't be fixed in one day and I know I have a lot to still work on and improve on - for today I know, the world will NOT stop spinning if I overindulge one day or miss a workout or forget the plug to my scale at a meeting.
The world will keep on spinning and I will keep on keeping on.
Because...
I Am Stronger Than I Think I Am
and
I Will Stop Getting In My Own Way!
